Dance Wimp

Dance wimp. I woke up Monday just feeling drained. It came out of nowhere. I felt good Sunday dancing and just being active. But this morning I woke up with a nervous tension, something like flu symptoms.This just seems crazy, I was feeling good yesterday and I am a week or two away from beginning treatments so how can I be so weak I can only lift a few pounds, is the cancer racing out ahead of treatment? Is it my nervous system which has been wired for days now? Is it a side effect of the flu shot two days ago? Nothing is certain expect I am out of energy. Mid day Susan & I go for a meeting with the oncologist who explains the chemo treatment, three intravenous injections three weeks apart. She does not know and no one knows if treatment will require one round and then the next of radiation/chemo until the results of the PET scan scheduled for Wednesday night are known. She says she can help with nausea and a long list of other side effects. We will meet again Friday when the PET results are in and the formal treatment plan will get scheduled. Still weak in the knees; flu, cancer, difficult messages or something else? Although I get some energy back I choose not to go to my Monday night dance which is something almost sacred to me. I am worried that I will get drawn into more energy output at this critical time and if the energy drain is in response to yesterdays activities I will have to plan energy expenditures more carefully even when I am feeling, relatively, good.  I know I could have gone and just moved around a bit but I am in preventative mode right now. And there is no exercise for 24 hours before the PET scan so nothing more than walking Tuesday morning and laying back after that. I REALLY want a clean PET scan.

I miss dance, my therapy. We do go walking, slowly around the local mall,  Very paced, I get my steps in for the day. We stop by a couple jewelers. Susan is looking to replace our wedding rings with matching bands. Not much selection. She has some images from the internet and we will have to find them online or maybe the jewelry district. 

I am eating a remarkable amount and not putting on weight. I had onion rings with lunch and desert, something I never do. At the mall I had a root beer float and at home (I did have the presence of mind to ask the Dr about alcohol) I had my first beer in a month. And this morning I was all of .1 LB up. Really. I think that month ago  eating that would have added a pound or two. 

I get an email messsage from the Monday night dance DJ and other dance friends and my brother. They are dancing with me.