Susan and I look forward to a wonderful 2016. 2015 has been pretty grim but I may yet come to hold it differently. The whole cancer treatment has been one version of hell. But I know from experience that the context of life can shift in way that may put a more positive understanding of things. Many years ago I was working for a crazy boss, really right out of the Caine Mutiny situation. I was working in a small Navy office in London, two people had nervous breakdowns and I would probably be next. Fate shined, the perpetrator cracked first and actually went running down the street naked and was promptly deported. The office had a going away party for him and didn’t invite him. It was a real celebration. But the mental damage took quite a while to recover. Fast forward a few years and I was now in my long career NASA office at JPL. All employees were getting furloughed a couple weeks without pay and there was talk of staff cutbacks, no ones job was secure. I really just didn’t worry about it. The other office folks had not survived what I did. So I came to appreciate how the London experience has ‘hardened’ me. Maybe, with luck and time, I will have a better way to hold the cancer ordeal.
New Years Eve we had been invited to a party from our dance group. They do great parties but this year we just get to see the Facebook pictures. We are there in spirit but the flesh is weak. Just not enough energy. On New Years Day we watch the Rose Parade on TV despite being able to see the floats from the back window of our house. Just not enough energy. On Monday the 4th, I get to feel a bit more normal. Susan and I go to the mall with our friends, we see Star Wars. Great afternoon and all I have to do is sit there but it expends all my energy for the day and I miss Monday night dance. Dance wimp. My idea is to have part of each day feel like a ‘normal’ day. On Tuesday I am out expending energy in the rain securing the house from a rain storm. Had to dig a small trench and get leaves out of the gutter. I was pushed to my limit, totally out of breath almost falling over and I miss the Tuesday night Lodge meeting I had hoped to attend.
Now for some good news. On Thursday the 7th I get my first post treatment medical examination. This is just a visual scope down the nose through the throat and other physical evaluations. The word is that I am doing as well as possible at this stage. That I can taste anything is a good sign. I will return for a physical in two months and if things look right they will schedule a PET scan to see if there are any cancer cells remaining anywhere in my body. I am told, very clearly, that this is a long process; weeks, months and even years before taste returns to whatever level it will be. And dry mouth will get better only slowly over years. My dreams of February/March/April on a beach in Hawaii, carefree, recede. But they are only on hold, not cancelled, because 2016 is going to be a good year. May The Force Be with All Of Us.
And a song for Susan who has been my bridge throughout this whole undertaking.
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