Things are going better than expected. Although it takes a sleeping pill the last few nights I am actually getting some sleep and that seems to make the biggest difference in my energy, healing or at least endurance. It is now four weeks into the seven week rad treatments. I have lost the 10 pounds I put on to ‘bulk up’, exactly the weight I was many weeks ago when the whole process began. I ask the doctor about feeding tubes, weight, pain and future prospects. She does not want me on a feeding tube, she has seen people get dependent on them up to the level of their throats never recovering and could never eat by mouth again. It may be difficult, even painful but I need to keep my throat working. And I need to eat more, at least 2,000 calories a day. Carry on, she says, you're doing well.
Eating is a daunting prospect for me, I am already pushing down eggs, egg nog, cheese, avocados, and protein drinks, high density food, as much as I feel I can handle. I am not ever hungry, food tastes like metal, even regular or distilled water tastes like bad water from Death Valley. It is part of the process, keep eating, keep my weight up or keep weight loss manageable and both treatment and recovery will be more effective. So I resolve to keep going. Susan works tirelessly to push good food; salmon omelets, soups. No taste there for me but quality food intake. My neck skin burns a bit but I cover it in aloe and that helps. As long as I can eat and sleep I think I can get through this. In the evening I watch TV with Susan and I decide to try my nonalcoholic beer, wilt fizz too much? Actually it helps, tastes like bilge water with a hint of hops, ummm. And it helps keep me hydrated.
Feeling cracked but goodness seems to peek through, so the song in my head today is Anthem by Leonard Cohen. Deeper song than even what I am going through. "There is a crack, a crack in everything, that is how the light gets in"
No comments:
Post a Comment