I am a numbers guy, at least in part. I also know that numbers often tell only part of the story. Today concluded 25 of 35 radiation treatments. A week from tomorrow is my final chemo treatment and a week later that last rad treatment. I could be celebrating the progress but I cannot feel that way right now. Entering the ‘end stage’ the last two weeks of what may a vision of hell. I am in pain but not a crazy level, head ache, mouth hurts, neck burns, food is a miserable prospect. But I am also disoriented, I do understand that the radiation does scramble the brain a bit. And I need more sleep. What is crazy is my head, my spirit, crawling toward a hint of light.
The song in my head is The End by the Doors:
This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes, again
Can you picture what will be, so limitless and free
Desperately in need, of some, stranger's hand
In a, desperate land
Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane, all the children are insane
Hi Frank - Are you taking EHT? It is supposed to help with the disorientation. I'm sure taking any pills is difficult but this one might be worth it over the next few weeks. Sending love, Sybil
ReplyDeleteDear Frank, I'm glad to read your blogs and not have to call for updates. I can't begin to comprehend all that you're going though but I'm thankful the end (of the treatments) is drawing nearer even if it's still down the road. You're in my constant prayers and I can't wait until the treatments are over and you're in actual recovery. Love, Connie
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