A Little Good News

I wake up wired, today I get the PET scan results and should know a lot more about the prognosis. My knees are weak; nerves, lack of sleep or active cancer, who knows.

Surprise call from the radiologist, I expected to get the PET scan results later today from the oncologist but here the radiologist is calling me and the PET san results are ‘good’, the cancer has not metastasized. (!!!!yea, happy dance!!!!) The scan only shows the main mass. They are also concerned with nearby lymph nodes although they did not light up on the scan. I ask about treatment strengths (being sort of a tech wonk I figure, why not ask) They will bombard the main mass with 7000 GY (grays, I was more familiar with RADS) going to 6300 GY in nearby high risk areas like the two nearby lymph nodes and 5600 for other nearby low risk areas that may have free floating cells they want to catch. The 7000 is the max dose they use so this will really be blasting my system and nearby healthy cells. But it really should take out the walnut sized tumor, definitely makes me think of it as ‘the nuclear or MAD (mutually assured destruction) option’ in warfare. Like burning the field to get rid of the weeds and counting on the good plants regrowing. 

Still, this is seriously good news although I sometimes see it as just going through hell for 9 weeks rather than going to hell & back for 18 weeks.

We meet with the oncologist and go over treatment and schedule details. Chemo & radiation are to began Oct 21st. Five hours for chemo and 2+ for the radiation treatment. Next week we pick up the mouth appliances, get in a ‘practice’ radiation treatment and I get a deep cleaning for my teeth. Things are falling into place and now its waiting but better waiting knowing the cancer has not metastasized. At home I dance around the room to Leya and stare into Susan’s eyes to Into My Arms. A blessed ‘time out’ like the scene from The Seventh Seal where the knight playing chess with death has a time out for strawberries and cream although this time it feels like I am winning the game. I’m so glad I’m standing here today.

Susan & I visit my favorite Buddhist monk, The Ven Pandit Ahangama Dhammarama, senior monk of all Sri Lankans in North America, he is 90 today and we bring a birthday cake. I tell him of my cancer condition and he says a blessing and ties a traditional string around our right wrists ‘for protection’.